Parents Who Insist Their Child Is Being Bullied (Even Though the School Doesn’t See It) #NAISAC

img_42891Day 2 at NAIS began with a fantastic session entitled “Parents Who Insist Their Child Is Being Bullied (Even Though the School Doesn’t See It)”  with Michael Thompson, Psychologist and  Daisy Pellant (Breck School – MN).

This useful and interactive workshop discussed four case studies and provided practical suggestions in managing the disconnect that can sometimes occur between families and a school. Is it bullying, social cruelty, or something else?

Here are some notes:

  • Families and schools need to build trust in order to deal with social situations effectively.
  • Parents can bring their own social trauma and situations to their child’s experiences.
  • Advice for schools re:bullying    img_4291
    • Stay Centered
    • Don’t get defensive
    • Don’t get bullied
    • Remember child development
    • Follow school protocol
  • A clear anti-bullying protocol externalizes response and creates consistency.
  • Anti-bullying law defines bullying in spirit & action. Differ from state to state.(public, charter, independent)
  • Schools should create a developmentally appropriate protocol for bullying. Different for 5-year-old and a 12-year-old.
  • Buckingham Browne and Nichols’ Bullying Protocol was noted as an exemplary plan.
  • What teachers fear re: bullying incidents:
    • fear of mistakes
    • time-suck
    • parent retaliation/ job security
    • lack of admin support
  • Admin must publicly back the process and the teacher dealing with a bullying situation.
  • Admin need to intervene at the right time. Support your teachers. “Adopt” the parent, if needed. (Meaning: take the weight off the teacher.)
  • Call in experts if you need them. (ie. Psychologists)
  • Pre-load developmentally appropriate expectations to parents-
    • Explicitly say in September -“There will be a biter. There will be a bitee. Someone will be poked.”
  • After parents explain their side, ask parents “Would you be willing to hear our point of view?” Parent opens the door.
  • Nothing like having data/observations documented for two children’s interactions to support your stance.

I appreciated the valuable advice provided in this session to help parents understand that providing a “safe” school is not necessarily the same as creating an environment where nothing socially challenging, difficult, or negative happens to a child.

 

Here is a link to my tweets during this session.

 

 

 

 

 

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